32 Days of Christmas: Day 30
Some people will call it bitterness.
Others will call it realism.
But does reality also require perspective? Or is reality still reality, no matter how you look at it?
The reality I choose is that nothing truly changes on the 1st. Nothing special happens in December. Nothing is magically different in July, May, March.. either. Nothing shifts at the exact moment the earth completes another revolution, or when fireworks tear through the restless sky on the night of the 31st.
It feels foolish for me to believe that a single, cinematic ‘eureka’ moment can define my growth. My writing will not suddenly improve because this publication enters a new year. My drinking habits will not transform overnight. My love for donuts will not quietly disappear because a calendar page has been turned.
The calendar flips, but my habits come with me. I carry them on my back into the new year, unmoved by my resolutions, untouched by my celebrations. They do not respond to motivation or champagne.
They, however, change slowly. Like erosion, they wear down over time. My reality has shown me that I am shaped into something new not by one grand decision, but by years of factors such as repetition, resistance, and effort.
Maybe that sounds bitter to some; to hear this harsh reality. I can taste it too.
When you are struggling to let go of bad habits as I am, you want desperately to believe in a single defining moment—the day everything finally clicks. But it almost never works that way. And realizing this truth can make you feel like giving up before you even begin. What’s the point, you ask, if by the 2nd of January I’d have already slipped? Does that mean the whole year is ruined?
But one of the hardest lessons the year has taught me is that real change takes a long, uncomfortable time. And the only way it happens at all is if you are present long enough to notice it.
✍🏽Reagan.