"Discount my ass!"

After one of my tiresome evening classes, as I was patiently waiting for a matatu by Sarit Centre, a screaming lady caught the surrounding’s attention. And as humans are, we were all slowly gathered around this man tightly holding a lady’s wrist.

He flew her to the wall. She bounced back like a foam ball coz she was blessed figure-atively at the back. The lady let out a scream, the man still tightly grabbing her wrist, and that was when we thought either of two things was happening: the lady was being introduced to Nairobi by a mugger out on a hustle, or, these two were a couple about to enter Sarit and got into a nasty argument, a fight at this point.

Both our initial thoughts were wrong. This was an Uber guy and a passenger.

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The lady’s screams and dramatic yells soon caught the attention of the Sarit entrance guard. On enquiry of what was going on, we were all informed of both sides of the story by the woman then the man.

The lady claimed her Uber app showed a huge discount that meant she pays less by around 200 shillings. And she had paid as the app showed and immediately stormed out of the car amidst the Uber guy’s shouts to pay what the initial amount before discount showed. She wasn’t having any of it! With this tough economy we can all join our president in prayers as long as we do not pay an extra cent, leave alone 200 shillings, to an Uber guy who obviously does not agree to the company’s discount policies.

In his defense, Uber guys earn close to nothing, and this 200 shillings seemed to mean a lot to him. Maybe it would have been the only profit margin for the day. He kept on shouting that the lady pay the full amount without discount and then she heads to the Uber offices and claim for her discount. Who has all that time though? To go to Uber offices, of which we don’t even know where they are, to claim a 200-shilling discount? Naah..

Now we had heard the full story from both sides, as the good mediators we were. We should have probably left, coz my comrades and I were heading home after totally not understanding anything in class. But home could wait, matatus ply that route all night, no rush.

This man now threatened to hit the woman coz time was being wasted, the crowd around was getting bigger, and he was surely losing the case. The crowd was backing the woman, saying the 200 shillings is not much to cause a fuss about. But the man was adamant; he was either getting his pay, the woman getting seriously hurt, or the less likely option - they go to the police station.

But the crowd dared him to hit the woman and see what happens. Him throwing her on the wall was shrugged off coz the crowd hadn’t yet known what the commotion was about. But now everyone was against this brother, and his threats to hit a woman were not helping his aura points either.

The dramatic lady maintained her screams at a surprisingly on-key pitch. The man also let the drama continue unnecessarily. And now everyone in the crowd gave their verbal suggestions, yet no-one did the obvious thing of paying the Uber guy 200 shillings and letting this lady, and everyone else, get on with their night. Only some heavily-bearded stout Hindu guy, as he was entering Sarit also and noticed the commotion, paid the guy his ‘dues’ and left the scene before anyone else in the crowd.
Some people really do seem to have mastered inner peace as Oogway taught. And now they just dispense that peace to other people who seem to be struggling with it. Admirable.

But remember when I told you it was either of two things, seems like we weren’t wrong after all. On our matatu home, we noticed one of the people in the crowd who was also heading to Kabete had been a victim of a pick pocket on the hustle. Entrepreneurs should give examples with these guys when speaking about opportunists coz we would need no other evidence.

Anyway, I’m glad Elon and Tesla have announced the idea of that self-driving Uber, Tesla Cybercab. That would definitely solve such petty issues between Uber drivers and passengers. Unless the car turns on you too if you pay a discounted amount, but we will solve the problem when/if it comes😄.

Also, on the subject of Sarit Centre, I cannot number the amount of times I’ve gotten lost in Sarit Centre. If my friends who stay outside Nairobi saw me struggle to find my way out of that puzzle-of-a-mall, they’d lose all respect for me. That place needs a comprehensive map, at every corner!
In year two, I went to said Sarit with a lady from my school who had just joined our campus and we were out to know each other. So I escorted her to shop for her household items, and maybe later get ice cream. I can clear all your doubts of whether we got the ice cream or not. We didn’t.

She had gotten into Carrefour as I went to buy my own stuff in other stores. How I got myself to the roof where construction repairs were ongoing still puzzles me to this day. And in my desperate attempts to get to the ground floor and possibly an exit, it took a staggering 40 minutes to get back to Carrefour where I had left her. She was long gone, half way back to Kabete, fuming and spamming my inbox with angry texts of how I’d ditched her. Back in campus, when I tried to explain to her how getting yourself out of a lost entanglement is a struggle, I’d already lost all aura points and potential shooting-my-shot chance.
See, I was supposed to be the one to know town, being I was in sophomore year and she was a freshman. Lost massive, irreplaceable aura points that day.

But that mall, (clicks tongue), let me hold my peace.

😃You might have missed my most popular writings😍(so far..)

1. Karibu Kanairo🏙️ - I’m glad the lady above wasn’t introduced to town amidst all that commotion. But there was still a victim, nonetheless, coz everyone in Nairobi is out to hustle.

2. Itutu🧘🏽‍♂️ - a West African philosophy of calm, to understand the Universe’s way of things.

PS: If you have a few seconds to spare, please hit the <reply> button and let me know what you thought of this email. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it and what could be improved. It also reminds me that there’s another person reading it on the other end of my screen😅. Thanks.

Have a wonderful week ahead!

✍🏽Reagan.

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