🛀🏽A month living alone.

Hey friends,

Sorry for the two weeks of absence. I’ll strive to never miss a week of writing.

This time, an excerpt from my journal✍🏽 yesternight.

It’s been exactly a month since the day my sister went out for work duties in another city. And therefore a full month of me staying alone. Trust me, this is something I’ve wanted very deeply ever since around class 7. But every time I said it to friends, family or peers, I got shut down so hard for ‘not wanting to be around people’, ‘being anti-social’, ‘ooh I’m going through something’..etc. But in the realest sense all I ever wanted was to know how it felt like to “live” alone, with no one else in the room. That simple. To know how it feels to make my own meals, to clean my own living space for myself, to make sure all the little resources at my disposal are used to the best of my abilities. To go out to duties and come back to contemplate in the tranquility of my own mind. All these I achieved to a great degree; heck, I even learned how to cook almost every meal I love in a month, and my cooking can only get better from here.

I guess I’ve never experienced this coz all my life I’ve grown up with a maid or with family and friends around, so things like cooking and cleaning were catered for, and I have never really slept in a house completely alone. Thought I would achieve this when I moved in the hostel last school year, but I was ever visited by friends or my roommate was around. I take nothing away from housemaids, family and friends, they have been very crucial in my growing up and moulding to who I am today. But I nowadays realize some things I would have done for myself even with the maids and family around. But I give no much time for lamenting or regrets, I just work on what I can now, like cooking.

I wrote a few weeks back on how I love sitting under a tree, or in this case, at the small space of the kitchen balcony, reading a physical book or doing something I’ve never done before like learn how to bake a cake. And this was well achieved in this month. In the process I started a book called The Emperor of All Maladies, but more on that later. Many a time, when I had no classes or duties, I would just lie on the couch and wander off into thoughts. And through that I’ve wrote lots of plans on how I actually wanna live my life, family, friends, money, spirituality..you know, the important stuff. A certain clarity of mind when all I can hear is my past life relived in its most audible voice, mixed with current noises of kids playing in the neighborhood, and seasoned on top with thoughts of plans for the future to reach my highest aspirations of life. In the audibility of the silence around me I listened to myself ever so often, in this empty house.

I am also glad of my friends who came over almost everyday for the month, it’s always an absolute delight to hang around friends. But I pat myself on the back for just how I managed myself in this month. This, of course, isn’t a big deal to most of my friends, if not all, coz most have lived alone since childhood or when joining campus. But I have been very privileged all my life to be surrounded by family and friends such that I have never been “alone”, whether in spirit or physically. Always a hand to help..always a friend to cheer my spirit..always a family member to remind me of true love. For all these my gratitude can never be enough.

But living alone for such a short while has also opened my eyes to the other side of the coin of life. There are times being alone can be your growth or absolute downfall. For growth, I can mention a few - in this time I harnessed my mind and body to be in total submission to me, and not the other way round. I also found peace in the fact that to enjoy living alone I gotta be responsible in taking care of myself and property under my charge. Inviting friends over also got me to closer connection with some and reenergized me for better friendships and connections. Buana I also learnt how to cook. Considering I’m one to never marry, this is a skill I’ve determined to master early on. And boy have I impressed myself!😅

A few downfalls I’ve heard of living alone is how most people wallow away into deep depression or anxiety or miserable living. This often leads to cases of suicide or other terrible scenarios. And a sad story once narrated by my high school deputy director, the O.G Okono, was of his college comrade and neighbor in their apartments; of how the neighbor had not been spotted for a while. But due to his extravagant lifestyle of parties every other day, everyone assumed he is just at a far away party. Only to raise even more eyebrows when after about a month his house was a gathering place for flies. Therefore curious neighbors had to knock on the door. Yep, you guessed it, bro was long gone due to drug overdose. Might or might not have been his fault, but all I’m trying to say is getting with friends, especially those who stay alone, might just save a life or lighten up their day. Another downfall of course is the feeling of loneliness one naturally gets when not surrounded by people. And the terrible feeling of being detached from the world. A quote I once read was that the reason the worst punishment in prison is solitary confinement, is coz when human beings are alone for a long period of time it tends to mess with the mind, and one can easily go crazy. It is a very terrible situation no one wants to be in.

But in the words of the King of Pop himself,

It has been a wonderful month. Finally lived a life-long wish without even forcing it or getting to bad terms with anyone. Satisfying. All this I can summarize in a word: peace! Still a lot to learn though, of the home living set up; like how our parents managed to think of something to eat every day. I can’t even think of what I’ll eat tonight😅. But as I always say nowadays, onward!

❤️My favorite things (so far) this week.

1. 📚📖Book club - This week I’ve started a book handed to me in the form of an e-book by a brethren. The book is called The Emperor of all Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee. I know, I can’t pronounce the name too😂. The book is about the biography of Cancer and how it is more of a lifestyle disease. I’ve just started reading it so can’t say much about it. But a summary is coming up in a few, so stay tuned😉.

✍🏽Quote of the Week

PS: If you have a few seconds to spare, please hit the <reply> button and let me know what you thought of this email. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it and what could be improved. It also reminds me that there’s another person reading it on the other end of my screen😅. Thanks.

Have a wonderful week ahead!

Reagan.